ueblerpaul

I’m 57 years old. I’m an Rh-. My Mother was an O- and my father was an A-. I have a younger and 2

younger brothers. All of us are A-. I have a natural bond with animals and even plants it seems. They

respond to me. I have known since my early childhood that I was different. While other children we’re

playing I was more interested in thinking. I learned early on that what I was told in church, did not

always match what I read in my Bible. This made me look closer and question more. I was interested in

science and ancient history even at 6 years old.

I had a difficult childhood. An abusive father. My mother died young at age 36. I soon ran away from

home. I eventually ended up in the military. It was in the Marine Corps I discovered I already had PTSD. I

was subject to violent rages and often got in fights. I was later discharged for assaulting a Navel

Commander. I almost slapped my 2 year old daughter because she was crying. This was the thing which

would eventually lead to me being able to gain control of the violence. I’m most grateful for never

having hit any of my children. I have not been physically violent in over 30 years or more.

I have been to prison several times for various non violent crimes. Usually steaming from a brake up of

relationship. I did not handle brake ups well and just wanted to throw my life away. Have attempted

suicide in the past. Done the drugs and you name it I probably tried it. Nothing ever seemed to relieve

the pain and loss and emptiness I felt inside. I knew there was something I was missing, something I was

meant to do, but just could not seem to find it.

As I looked back, I began to notice, that through all of it. I never seemed to do without. What ever I

needed would somehow find it’s way to me. Also, it seemed no real harm would ever come to me. What

harm did, could not hurt me fatally even though for me at the time I thought, “This is it” yet, here I am.

This year my youngest, my only son was killed at 26 years old. Within days of that, my wife of 15 years

decided she was leaving me to be with her family. Needless to say, I was devastated. So I find myself

here. I believe it is here that I have the best hope of finding my true path and a sense of purpose. I know

that all my experiences were for a reason. I would not understand the things I understand had I not had

those experiences. For that I’m grateful.